So messed up again

   I'm feeling a heavy chest armor whats hanging on my shoulders. 
Pressing my lungs smaller and smaller place.


I'm here again, waiting for a miracle, for you . 
I tought I lost the hope,yeah did! 
I tried so hard , so hard , i tried so hard,but lost it
Same thing to drop a crystal vase and it shatters to a million pieces and you have to place the pieces back together.


I was thinking a few days ago while I wathced a story of a girl who almost kill herself and on that video she were saying that " I realized that I have a meaning for being here,I need to be here and I      have the right to be here..." so I  realized that I almost killed myself... But didn't realized what that   girl on the video....    




It's so crazy to think that like a year few years ago I thought that self injuring is so disgusting,I wouldn't never do that to myself...while I watched one of my best friend doing that I was thinking " how she can do that to herself doesn't that hurt?does that even  help anything?" but now I understand  her I know how she feels I know that feeling and I know how it can get from bad to wors  and from  worse to horrible. I got over it but it's always there. It's always on my mind when I almost did it. And the whispers on my mind what says why you didn't do it? what if you did it? will you do it? why wouldn't  you do it? Those whispers are always on my mind.