Once you have lost the trust..you can' never get it back

I believe that you can die to sorrow.I believe that your life fades away whit every tear what you cry.
Your eyes start to blur, you can't see anything feel anything. You go completely numb on the inside.
What you hear is completely silent darkness or completely fearless rage.Slowly your heart stops pumping blood through your veins and you feel when all your pain slowly goes away,when you can't feel your toes and fingers. All your body parts stops working, you stops thinking,you stop breathing. Close your eye's, you don't see anything when suddenly bright light comes toward you. You feel your going blind, when all is gone....You're gone


for ever

So messed up again

   I'm feeling a heavy chest armor whats hanging on my shoulders. 
Pressing my lungs smaller and smaller place.


I'm here again, waiting for a miracle, for you . 
I tought I lost the hope,yeah did! 
I tried so hard , so hard , i tried so hard,but lost it
Same thing to drop a crystal vase and it shatters to a million pieces and you have to place the pieces back together.


I was thinking a few days ago while I wathced a story of a girl who almost kill herself and on that video she were saying that " I realized that I have a meaning for being here,I need to be here and I      have the right to be here..." so I  realized that I almost killed myself... But didn't realized what that   girl on the video....    




It's so crazy to think that like a year few years ago I thought that self injuring is so disgusting,I wouldn't never do that to myself...while I watched one of my best friend doing that I was thinking " how she can do that to herself doesn't that hurt?does that even  help anything?" but now I understand  her I know how she feels I know that feeling and I know how it can get from bad to wors  and from  worse to horrible. I got over it but it's always there. It's always on my mind when I almost did it. And the whispers on my mind what says why you didn't do it? what if you did it? will you do it? why wouldn't  you do it? Those whispers are always on my mind.

Blah..

I'm getting really sick
I can feel it
This isn't healthy anymore...

Awesome

Shit...

Yeah...
I'm losing it..losing it

Love..?

Fuck off

what if I wouldn't exist tomorrow?

I've heard "I really care about u"

It doesn't feel like it...
I haven't heard it before I was almost kill myself

Then  I heard it

Know what I mean?
I've heard many times someone else saying to hes/she's friend " I love you,I have missed you so much,I really care about you,You're such a lovely person..."
Not to me...
I've said those things


That why I feel so lonely


Aaahg my head is just a big mess...and so is my heart to

Just...

How long this will last?
How long I will be able to deal whit it?
I starting to doubt my strenght to crave the positive things in my life...

I feel like I'm waiting the day when this all gona end...
It's possible that this gona be my last writing or not
My head is just full of pictures..
Bloody pictures
Sad pictures
Or just me falling down..

What's wrong whit me...?
Why am I thinking that these scars are beautiful?
Why am I jealous of those people who have more scars?
I don't call it self injury and it's bad
I call it art

help

Everything is starting all over again....
Where were you when I needed you ?
Where have you been ?
When you will com and save me ?
Never...
I'll beg you..

No...
Help..

Bye

Sorry I'm a bad person

I'm sorry I did it again...it's coming again...darkness,please,help

Holy Bible

It's not money that makes you evil
But the love of it that's wrong
Way back during times primeval
Lucifer became headstrong
And tried leading a great upheaval
One third following along

Oh God bless the seven thousand
Who were standing firm that day
Forever lend them a hand, give 'em strength to stand
And guidance in your way

God gave to sinners a reprieval
Until this earth age is done
And before the ages medieval
He sent His begotten Son
For all of His children's retrieval
Away from the wicked one

Oh God bless the many thousand
Who will come to Christ this day
Forever lend them a hand, give 'em strength to stand
And guidance in your way

Knowing the truth

If i could have just one wish,

I would wish to wake up everyday to the sound of your breath on my neck.

the warmht or your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating whit mine.
Knowing that I could never find that feeling.

I will not need these sad poems, won't I ?

This lie's become a part of me
For months, I've played this game
Acting like it doesn't hurt
Each time I hear his name

Ignoring what's inside of me
Pretending I've moved on
As if the feelings I once had
For him are somehow gone

Spending each and every day
With happiness and laughs
Forgetting all our memories
Avoiding photographs

But last night when I saw him
For the first time since he left
My heart stopped for a moment...
I couldn't catch my breath

When suddenly it hit me
As the tears started to flow
That even after all this time...
I just can't let him go

All you need is love

This is just so true :)

Twinkle twinkle little star

Star's are like souls,somebody spark's stronger somebody sparks weele than the others
Looks up in the sky,see there's a little star shaped like a heart...
That star is far away from another stars and just barely twinkle..
All the other star are big and shiny, no one seems to even notice this little star who's sparkling is fading away every twinkle...That star is so lonely,no one sees it no one cares it's just a little star...
Just a one spark from the bigger star could save this little star,but no one cares...

Rise up again

Now I just feel that I can rise up again...Maybe it's a good think :)
My plans this weekend are:

DO NOT JUST LOOK AND HOPE THAT SOMETHING GONA HAPPEN! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO'S GONA TAKE THE FIRST STEP!

15 fucking years

Just got a panic/rage attack.........
My head is spinning,my arm is bleeding and my fingers are feeling numb.
My MIND is numb
My HEART isn't

I should born in the 50's

I should born in the 50's.... I dream about the syrupy love story,where I meet the perfect man in the planet.He asks me to marrie him the romantic way ever and promises to love me earnestly and care about me every day forever.We would have at least ten children and couple of dogs,sheeps,cows and horses. We would live in big house whit big garden. Kids would play in front yard and I would have a big vegetable garden. I would cook every day fantastic meals in the kitchen for the family. My husband would work in hospital and I would take care for animals and children. Me and my husband would love each other and we would love our children and give them nice and memorable childhood and when the oldest child would Have a parter to live whit he/she would get the house and the animals so me and my husband would go travel around the world. When we get old enough we would find a nice little house somewhere near water and live there our last years happy and loving the life we lived.

Under the sea

She looks in the mirror and sees somebody else what she expect.She can't recognise the girl who looks her.Girl in the mirror seems to be happy but inside of her she's broken.If somebody ask is she okay,she puts a smile on her face while inside she's falling apart.She says "I'm okay" as pain fills her hart.That girl wants to be something important, that someone would cry if she dies...That's all what she wants...

Bitch please...

U broke my heart and u broke my soul.how the fuck u think that ONE "sorry" is enough?!?! Well boy, u need much much much more that I can even stand next to u whitout think that I could kill u...

Please

Please... Please... N I beg you to forgive me I beg you to forgive me that I have wasted your time Please... I beg... I won't bother you anymore,not anymore... Please forgive me

We got just one life

Years go by...

Months go by...
Weeks go by...
Days go by...
Hours go by...
Minutes go by...
Seconds go by...
But I'm still staying there where I am....
Why..?
I don't know...

Just....nothing

     

I Noticed how possessive a human can bee...

Under these stars

Waiting the end of this suffering

Well I haven't write here for a while because my things are just going from worst to bad.I have cried every day so much that my eyes almost hurt. Thanks all to my friends who has supported me trough so far. Love you and I promise to you that I won't do anything stupid <3<3

oooollllraititennnn we gona party our asses of so see ya!

Information

Okay, so I'm not gona be here for a while because e and my family are going to Nauvo island to visit my grandma.We are leaving tonight and we com back in Saturday.Just can't wait until Sunday :D

Awesomee

Breaking dawn chekd!

Something about me

Again my blog got a new look and I think I'm gona keep it like this for a while :)
I was thinking to that I could write more about me so u know a little bit more who is writing this blog.
So I'm born in 19.may.1997 and live in Finland. I like listening music and just lay down and dream.
I love my friends and my cats.I like also drawing.My hobbies are handball.
I don't like snakes and dark.I hate it when someone scares me ;(.
My dreams are that I could play piano or cello.
Here are few favorite artist and bands, you should listen to them!:
Roy Todd (pianist)
Avenged Sevenfold
Five Finger Dead Punch
Apocalyptica
Raappana ( Finnish reggea singer)
Disturbet
Takida (Swedish Band)
And many others to :)
So now u know a little bit more about me and now I'm gona take my "Juissi" and go to read tomorrows physics test....NOT!

Hoping for the best but expecting the worst

Finally my future plans are smiling to me :) Can't wait until Easter holiday,gona go have some fun whit my friends to an empty house next my house. There's only little bit cold(but we can stay close to each other ) and lots of dead bugs :/ but I think that end of the night people are talking to them :D

I don't know what to write so I'll write that I don't know what to write

Whats wrong whit Mondays? Just hate them....

Blaablaa

Fuck hangover just drink more so u won't get any

Goood morning sunshines what a beautiful day when it's 2 cm SNOW on the ground.....

English test tomorrow.....
 Don't think so I'll go to sleep....

My inspiration

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIuotFZnBtk

Just love.......

Just fuck

SNOW?!?!?!?! Are u fucking kidding me? Just like an hour ago I was enjoying the warm sun on my face Fuck you mother of nature

Born to die Wait what?? Born Live then die.... I failed

Have u ever cried so much that u feel u could die? I have..... Many times.... And every time i almoust lost my life before i did deside to move on... To wait the next time...

Life as it comes

Have u ever cried so much that u feel u could die? I have..... Many times.... And every time i almoust lost my life before i did deside to move on... To wait the next time...

The first day of my addiction...

                                              Mä en koskaa tee mitää blogii ne on iha turhia                                                      
                                                              So here we are...

no siis eihä mun ikinä pitäny tehä blogii mut täsä sitä nyt ollaa :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrv6sa0PrtU